Death and grieving: fruit and candle offering
My father, Boris Tse, taught our family a ritual for those experiencing a passing of a loved one.
In his own words:
Put a plate of fruit to the WEST of your property and let it set overnight, afterward, throw them away. Light a [white] candle if you have one. When you put it there and said to yourself, [Name], RIP.
For these years, I am not able to teach you guys about Buddhism. Now to take this opportunity to teach some practice. RIP, rest in peace. The mind(spirit), once it leave the body, will be shock to see how huge the space is, how powerful the mind can do, it can penetrate the mountain the earth, the ocean, and travel with the speed so fast, in a blind, go to every where. It is shock that no body will listen, touch it. So it wander every where looking for shelter, one minute back to home, then another minute to a childhood place and so on. But is getting lonely. So REST IN PEACE is to stop those and their wisdom will help to guide itself to a better World. The first 7days, it will encounter different bright colors, range from Gold, White, Yellow, Green, Blue, Red and Gray. It is so bright that will blind the eyes and make them afraid. So it will try to avoid them. My job now will be every night to remind my sister not to afraid of the brightness, follow it and stay with it, some Buddha or angel will guide her into a better world from there. Then after the first 7 days, then will be another 7days, then 7days, then another 7days. Totally 49 days. In that period, the shape of the mind will be diminished to much smaller, and the urgent to get to rebirth is higher, the anger of no success is bigger and then the REST can be much needed. Usually, if they go to church, temple, the official in the church and temple will give them few word during service to calm down and then they will be on the way to a new world. During their stay in our world, they will be hungry and went to the place they are familiar and connected and look for something to eat. They can not physically eat, but they can smell and will be satisfied afterward. So fruit and hot food is what can help. Candle smell too. All this has been written down and we follows. And when they move to another world, it will move to the WEST direction. So that is why pick WEST. Hope this will answer some of your questions.
Baba, rest in peace.